POV: You’ve Just Been Dumped

by | May 19, 2023 | Out of the Closet

I’ve been fucked over. Royally fucked over.

To be honest, I really should have seen this coming. I swear the word “commitment” is something which haunts me more than anything else. Here is how I got dumped.

As soon as I feel like something is going well, the universe or god likes to remind me that I was designed to be the messy-love-life-single girl.

This story really just proves that you can NEVER know what a man’s intentions are, even when they give off all of the signs that they were something more.

I’ll just start by giving you a run down of my week;

Sunday

I went on a date with said-boy (we’ll name him Leon) for coffee. This was our second date.

 Now, I wasn’t all that keen on Leon to begin with – he seemed nice, we had a good date but he was a bit short (slightly fickle I know, but I am fairly tall so it seemed like a big deal.) This date seemed to go very well and I thought he seemed like a really nice guy.

Our first date was nice, but I didn’t really like him. I never do after a first date, to be honest. This is probably reason 101 why I’m so pissed off.

Then the next day, Leon texted asking if I wanted to watch a movie. I said yes but, because I was waiting for my Tesco delivery order, I said to come over to mine instead.

Never let a man stop you from getting your groceries, ladies.

We watched Monty Python’s The Holy Grail on my laptop and pretty much chatted over the entire thing. He was funny and made me laugh. After the film ended, he kissed me. 

Not bad. Which was a relief, to be honest. The worst thing when you’re in your own room is a bad kisser. I’ve had an experience before when I had to call an emergency flatmate to rescue me from a bad kisser and had to kick him out.

He was super sweet and ended up staying the night. However, after he kissed me I made my intentions very clear and said: “Just so you know, I don’t really go any further with people unless I really know them.”

AND HE SAID: “Yeah that’s completely fine.”

This boys and girls, is when you state YOUR intentions as well. Because otherwise our signals will get crossed.

Thursday

I recommended going for sushi which he sounded very keen on – this guy did not hold back with exclamation marks.

We seemed really compatible. Similar backgrounds, common interests, we joked a lot together…

I even watched Dirty Dancing, my favourite movie of all time with him, which he loved. Rookie error.

I stayed over, we kissed all night and laid in bed until 12 the next day. He even said; “I know you said you wanted to take things slow, so just let me know if we’re doing anything too fast.”

We were even talking about a restaurant and he said “That’s where we’re going next?” Honestly, this felt like a good sign.

Saturday

We went on a date in the Peaks (his idea) for a walk and kissed in the grass.

I told him to message me. He did. And we were messaging for the next three days.

That leads to today. After asking to meet me for coffee (the fifth time he organised a date with me). He paid for my coffee quite unexpectedly. 

A part of me is glad that I bought my extortionately priced caramel soya latte.

After about half an hour of non-stop regular chats, he turns to me and says:

“So I’ve been thinking a lot about our situation. I really like spending time with you, but I just don’t think I have time for any other commitments. I have a lot of things going on and I don’t think that I’m in a place for a relationship.”

Sorry, what?

“I just don’t think we should keep seeing each other this way since I don’t think I want a relationship.”

“I’m sorry because I know I’ve been coming on a bit strong.”

Yeah, no shit.

What were all these dates about? Where was this when I said I didn’t want to have sex until I knew him better? 

My intentions were made very clear early on. I gave him an out. He should have taken it on our third date.

I looked at him and said; “I’m pretty busy too, you know.”

“Yeah, it’s mostly the emotional commitment, I really like you but I don’t think we should keep seeing you in this way if we want different things out of it.”

Why did you ask me out in the first place? He was showing every sign that he wanted something more until this point.

I’m pretty good at keeping calm in those situations but I definitely couldn’t hide the fact that I was surprised by what he was saying.

But I’m not going to chase someone who says he won’t commit. You won’t be getting any begging from me.

We talked for a little bit longer then walked home. I climbed into my flatmate’s bed and honestly, she was just as shocked as I was.

So after a few hours of ranting, anger and wallowing with my girls (love them to bits), I’m here writing this to get it off my chest.

Here is the thing, if it was just a regular two-week-casual-drinks thing, I wouldn’t be so stunned, but this guy was giving off zero red flags. And trust me, I am very good at spotting red flags.

More than this, kissing, cuddling, watching movies, agreeing to “take things slow”, daytime dates, talking about family life, and, more importantly, seeing each other five times in one week doesn’t quite scream “I just want something casual”.

I feel like an absolute idiot. I even named him to people. No longer was he “Tuesday date boy” (I was seeing two boys the week of our first date) but I said to people that I was seeing Leon.

Just last night, I was talking about him, all excitedly thinking it may go somewhere.

Thank god I didn’t fuck him.

If you’re a boy reading this, don’t leave it until the SIXTH date to tell me that you aren’t looking for commitment. 

Also, don’t ask me out before knowing your intentions. That’s just a shitty thing to do. I’d much rather you tell me that you were just down to fuck after I tell you that I have strict boundaries.

I have a life. Don’t come into it without a set purpose because otherwise, I’m sorry but I just don’t have the time for you.

Honestly, I’m ready for my place at the convent now.

This is why I don’t trust boys. 

They always let you down.

Edited by Elena Baeza Ruso and Imogen Bowlt

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