‘Why Do You Wanna Fuck Shark?’: The Art of Referring to Your Crush Without Getting Caught 

by | May 22, 2023 | All about Love

Picture this: you are going to the pub down the road, trying to maintain a low profile but a confident and fierce façade at the same time, you know what they say, fake it till you make it.

Suddenly, your friend whispers, ‘There’s your lover boy Shark’.

Ah, the sweet thrill of using code names to refer to our secret crushes without raising any suspicious eyebrows.

We’ve all been there, done that, haven’t we?

So, my floozies, lets dive into the world of crush coding, and trust me when I tell you I had lots of crushes, I’m a Pisces after all, what can I say.

It’s a universal truth that when Cupid strikes, the last thing we want is the whole world knowing who makes our stomachs feel like a jungle, or worse, them finding out.

That’s where the genius of name coding swoops in, offering the perfect blanket of secrecy for our little crushes.


My experience

I still remember when I was 16, giving my crush the code name ‘Red Tie’ simply because, well, he rocked a dashing red tie that caught my attention.

We were in sixth form, so dressing smart was a must, and also a blessing for my eyes and hormonal ass if you know what I mean.

From that day forward, he was forever known as Red Tie in my world.

But oh, the name game didn’t stop there.

From Curly Man (he had curly hair obvi) to Shark (Yes, Shark!), my crushes received a myriad of creative nicknames throughout the years.

And let’s not forget the art of rebranding.

Sometimes, a better name would come along, or my crush’s characteristics would remind me of something entirely different.

Orange, the colour of his shirt, transformed into Shark, simply because the mere thought of approaching him felt as nerve wracking as a close encounter with a toothy predator.

Oh, the joy and creativity that goes into crafting these secret identities.

If only I could come up with what I wanna eat after a hangover with the same lighting speed as coming up with a new code name.

But hey, let’s not stop at my code-naming shenanigans. I’m dying to hear about yours!

What juicy code names have you come up with for your crushes?

Spill the tea with us, and don’t worry, it’s completely anonymous.

Edited by Audrey Chow

CrowdSignal polls by Mmesoma Muogilim

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