What do you do when you have a partner who belittles you and makes you feel small? Who believes that their own self importance is so much higher than yours? You probably know the answer, but the Floozies are here to give you that little extra push…
I dated someone who called himself ‘God’.
Ever came across someone who believes they are better than everyone else and struts around like they are the centre of the universe, but loses their cool faster than a melting ice cream when faced with the slightest bit of criticism?
Cause I did, so let’s dive into the chaotic world of dating an overly arrogant person.
What type of person are we talking about?
Some may say that I was dating a “narcissist.”
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition where people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. (source: mayclinic.org)
However, we are not about diagnosing people without a qualified doctor at hand, so let’s just describe what this person was like instead.
Imagine someone with the ego of a hot air balloon, a relentless hunger for attention and a belief that they are the ultimate superior being.
We are not talking about confidence, we’re talking about someone who thinks they are God himself, and they are dead serious about it.
They are known as the masters of manipulation and very allergic to even the slightest whiff of criticism or feedback.
From something that started like a sizzling Hollywood movie that turned into a gripping psychological thriller, my journey was a rollercoaster of inflated egos, intense gaslighting sessions, and never ending carousel of self-obsessions.
He was one of my closest friends, and to be honest with you I never saw him more than that until one day when he started saying everything I want to hear.
It’s like he knew what I was thinking. I thought that I finally found a person who thinks like me.
And even the days when my thoughts wouldn’t match with his, he would make sure to explain to me how I should see it.
As someone who didn’t have much knowledge about certain things like politics, I put my trust in him and his knowledge.
“He knows better,” I thought to myself.
And that’s how my hate for Donald Trump turned into admiration for a couple of days. I know, trust me, I am not proud of that either.
Little did I know he was controlling what I was thinking.
At the beginning, he would agree with everything I said, while I was still figuring out whether I like him that way.
Once I got hooked on his charm, things started to slowly change.
Things I didn’t see through my rose-tinted glasses back then.
He wouldn’t agree with my opinions anymore, but tell me I’m wrong instead.
And if I would disagree with him I would get the silent treatment.
‘I disagree with you, that’s wrong’ I would say.
‘Fine, I won’t talk to you for an hour then’ He would say.
‘Are you being serious?’ I would argue back.
‘Fine, 2 hours it is then’ He would answer.
From wanting to know about my day, he started to not care about it anymore.
I still remember when I had a rough mental health day and all I wanted to do was talk to him. When he finally texted me after 24 hours of not saying anything and my overthinking ass getting anxious, he messaged me asking me how am I.
I told him how I felt and how bad my mental health was that day.
His response? “That’s it? Wow, that’s Boring!”
And that’s just one of the many examples.
Fair to say that at the time, I was not seeing all of these red flags.
Instead, I would apologise and beg for him to forgive me.
Forgive me for not agreeing with him and having my own opinion.
Forgive me for using the wrong words or emojis he wouldn’t like, like the heart eyes emoji.
Forgive me for not replying to him within 5 minutes.
Forgive me for not giving him enough attention when he wanted, even though I was busy.
Forgive me for being me which was never enough for him.
Jesus, just thinking about that time makes me wonder, who is she? But that’s the thing, we don’t realise in the moment.
Not until lockdown hit us and took some time away from him have I realised all of these.
Believe it or not, TikTok took part in helping me realise.
Somehow, my For You page knew what I needed to hear.
It didn’t help me realise what I was putting up with, that came on later, but rather what I didn’t want from a relationship.
And with that realisation, I ended whatever that was by explaining that I didn’t feel it anymore and never let that person try to gaslight me ever again, even if that meant cutting contact and losing someone that I once considered one of my closest friends.
It’s fair to say I entered my villain era after that, getting myself back and prioritising myself.
Yes, sometimes I think of him and wonder if he ever realised and regretted what he was doing, but I will never regret my decision of cutting him off.
Has that experience gave me some trauma? Fuck yes! Even to this day years later, I have trust issues.
So what can you learn from my experience?
When you are finding yourself becoming belittled be your partner, leave them.
Why spend your time with someone who will never see the true vale that you hold because they spend their time believing that they are better than you.
So, if you relate and came across a this type of partner before, you are not alone. Your experience is valid and you deserve so much better.
Edited by Imogen Bowlt