Having sex in your parents house is always risky.
At the age of 17, my worst fear came true. I went round to visit my boyfriend at the time and to our delight, he had a free house. We both lived with our parents so this was a rarity, and we definitely planned on making the most of it.
We started to do the deed and I was midway through giving him a blowjob when I hear a sound behind me. It sounded like the creak of floorboards. I thought ‘I must be hearing things, the house is empty’, and carried on like nothing had happened. Then I hear a knock. I definitely wasn’t hearing things anymore. Before I had time to even register what was happening, I hear the door start to open, and my boyfriends mum shout ‘are you decent?’ We definetly were not decent.
In a blind panic, I grab the duvet and attempt to cover us both up. I know that I have no time to move into a less compromising position, so in my state of panic I drop and try to lie as flat as I can. I’m not sure why I thought I would I would be able to lie flat enough to completely disappear under the duvet, maybe I was hoping the shame would swallow me up into the bed. But as I dropped to hide, disaster struck again. I elbowed my boyfriend in the balls. Hard. Hard enough to make him scream out in pain.
At this point, his mum’s head has peered around the door, he is screaming and quite obviously naked, while I am still at the bottom of the bed, attempting to hide under the duvet. Our attempt to mask the fact that we were shagging was pretty clearly unsuccessful, as his mum shouts “Oh my God I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you were both in here… together” and runs out of the door.
Completely mortified, me and my boyfriend just stare at each other in disbelief, all while he clutches his elbowed balls. It turns out his mum had been in the house the entire time, but she’d been taking a nap and we had no idea. Scarred for life, I will never again have sex in a parents house, whether we think they are in or not.
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Edited by Elena Baeza Ruso
