Does your partner do shitty things that hurts you? If yes, your relationship might be more toxic than you think. Keep an eye out for these red flags.
Relationships are not always filled with romance, dates and flowers that sweep you off your feet. You may be blinded by love and unaware of alarming red flags. Even if you did notice them, you may easily forgive someone’s bad behaviour and toss it under the rug.
Doing this normalises their bad behaviour, enabling them to keep behaving this way, which can CRUSH your mental wellbeing in the long run.
1. They try to control you.
Be it controlling who you go out with, dictating what you wear, or even acting like a fucking chaperone, they NEED to know where you are, every hour, everyday. This is a massive red flag. Why? Truth is, they don’t trust you.
They would love more than anything in the world to keep you all to themselves and assert absolute dominance on you. This is one hell of a toxic sign.
Crossing your boundaries is undoubtedly suffocating (Check out our article about setting boundaries here!)
2. They talk down to you
Ask yourself, do you feel like your partner is superior? Or always belittling your feelings or speaks little of you in front of other people, making you doubt yourself? RUN.
Stop giving them excuses and thinking they don’t really mean that. Recognise the ‘jokes’ they make actually reflects how they truly think.
They may also mock you for your optimistic attitude. Negativity is contagious. If your partner is always weighing you down, sooner or later it might rub off on you.
You don’t want to hear this but they want to make you feel weak and small, often because of their low self esteem, which is not only emotionally draining, but on the border of emotional abuse.
3. They make themselves superior.
Do you find your communication one-sided and imbalanced? Or do you always have a gut feeling deep inside that when you’re together, you don’t have much to say? That’s because they’re often the one deciding where to go, what to do and when you do things.
They may interrupt you wen you’re speaking, never mind bother to ask about you. Or when they do it, it’s usually only to seem like they care. Being self-absorbed is definitely a toxic trait that can’t be ignored.
4. They get jealous when you’re with others
You may notice they force you in some way to create distance from the people you care, even manipulating to cause rifts in your relationships.
They may dislike you being so close with your best friend and want to posess every bit of your attention, by making up lies, twisting people words or even forcing you to choose sides.
You may unconsciously be spending all your time trapped under your partner’s thumb. From the outside it’s easy to spot, but when you’re trapped in this toxic dynamic, it can be difficult to recognize red flags.
A loving partner would be the opposite — wanting you to have strong relationships and would works hard to be around people you care about.
5. They manipulate you
Are they exerting control over you in some way or another?
There are different levels of emotional manipulation’s tactics, including preying on your insecurities, giving you the cold shoulder, guilt tripping and using your good nature against your insecurities, and the list goes on.
They are also notorious for playing the victim card and not acknowledging their flaws. They may pass their blame to you and fail to account for their mistakes, making you feel like you’re the source of the problems in hopes to justify their toxic patterns.
Never tolerate this behaviour from anyone, let alone your significant other.
6. Constant criticism
Does your partner focus on your every move and every little mistake? And at the same time undermine your achievements?
They always have backhanded compliments for you and tells you to learn to take a joke or it’s because ‘they love you’.
Healthy relationships encourage people do jump out of your comfort zone and would be proud of you. Some may even sabotage the other person’s success.
So, if you want to know if your relationship if toxic or not, think about the last time your partner genuinely supported your personal growth. Have they encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone? Or celebrated your new job? If not, this is detrimental to your mental health.
So, what now?
If you recognise these patterns and are thinking ‘WTF should I do’, don’t panic.
When you’ve reached a tipping point with your partner, please prioritise your mental health over them, and bear in mind that you deserve the very best version of yourself in all of your romantic relationships.
Don’t sacrifice your mental health for the wrong person and stop trying to redeem them for their horrible actions. It’s time to go.
Edited by Mmesoma Muogilim