Sex Anxiety and How to Deal with It

by | May 30, 2023 | Let's talk about Sex

Bedroom butterflies in between the sheets? I’ve got you.

Ever felt sex anxiety? Your heart is racing a marathon and your mind is doing cartwheels right before sex? Well, unless you are drunk, cause then your brain has suddenly been replaced by your vagina or penis.

Ah, the thrilling ride of sex anxiety. From thoughts like ‘Did I remember to shave all the way back there?’ to ‘What if I fart when they go down on me?’, our minds can spin in a web of worries and what ifs.

It really be our brain making all these scenarios, like taking a detour through the amusement park of insecurities right before we are meant to get down on our knees, I mean, down to business.

But let’s be real, we’ve all been there, so I promise you, you are definitely not alone. When it comes to life, we are our biggest critics, which means every wrong move earns us a cringe-worthy moment to replay in our heads for years to come.

What is sexual performance anxiety?

Sexual performance anxiety is a type of anxiety that involves a fear or worry related to sexual activity. It can happen either before or during sex, with common sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction, lack of arousal and premature ejaculation.

These issues are incredibly common and valid, and are usually caused by concerns about sexual performance, prior bad experiences, self-esteem and body image, causing a problematic cycle in which our anxious thoughts about sex lead to us avoiding sex.

But it’s not just one player in this anxiety game, as your partner can be affected as well. For you it might be your performance and body image concerns, meanwhile for your partner it could be more about the initiation of having sex and fighting the fear of rejection or the thought that you are not interested anymore.

It’s like a double vodka lime and soda, but filled with nerves and intrusive thoughts. And what do when the vodka is too strong.

How can you overcome sex anxiety?


Having sex is very intimate, and it involves trust and being vulnerable with the other person. So, when it comes to sex, communication is very important. Telling your partner what you are anxious about will help them understand and find a solution that will make you feel less anxious. Express what you feel comfortable with and what you don’t. If you want them to take it slow, tell them that.

Own your body

Body image is very important when it comes to having a healthy sex life. We all come in different shapes and forms, and you don’t need to be a Don Juan or have a ‘supermodel quality’ body for your partner to be attracted to you.

According to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, about a third of college women feel unhappy with how their body looks like, affecting their self-esteem when it comes to having sex and enjoying their time with their partners.

So, being comfortable in your own skin is very important. Acknowledge everything you like about your body and don’t listen to the little voice in your head. Your body is perfect the way it is and if anyone disagrees, they are definitely not worth your time.

Own your experience

You don’t need to have a PhD in Kama Sutra to satisfy your partner. Whether you’ve got lots of experience or not at all, you are worth it. Nobody was born with experience, they gathered it with time and with patience. So, don’t stress about how experienced you are. Just make sure to communicate with your partner what each other’s desires and turn ons are.

Read our article on bodycount.

If you ever felt anxious about your performance during sex, you are not alone. It’s completely normal to have those moments of uncertainty and insecurity. Just remember to express those anxieties with your partners and from there it will be easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Edited by Imogen Bowlt

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