Everyone knows the feeling of honeymoon bliss. The lust, the excitement, the newness of it all. But what happens when you are with your partner in the long term? How do you stop the spark from fading in the long run?
Great sex in a long term relationship is completely possible. In fact for a lot of people, they find that it is better than it was at the beginning.
Floozy sat down with a sex psychologist to learn the secrets for a long term healthy (and steamy) sex.
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey has worked as a relationship and intimacy coach for 35 years.
She explained the true secret behind having a great sex life once the initial honeymoon phase has died down.
How do our sex lives change with a partner overtime?
“In the first six months, you have a whole bunch of different chemicals going on in your body to promote bonding. You have the newness and the excitement and the mystery of not knowing someone.
“Once you move to a stage of familiarity, that stuff dies down and when you really know somebody, there’s no mystery. So there is a change that happens.
“You can work to spice things up and bring back some of the earlier feelings but you never get back that new relationship energy, it’s just not possible over a long period of time.
“You can still have fantastic sex and a great relationship but it’s just not going to be like what it was at the beginning.”
What is the secret?
The secret is very simple, according to Dr Bisbey.
“Being present,” she said “That’s being 100% focused on your partner and on what you’re doing.
“That is the absolute biggest secret to having fantastic sex. It changes everything.
“Make sure that your relationship is in good shape.
“A lot of the reasons that people don’t have great sex is because they’re arguing or having difficulties with each other and not resolving problems.
Being able to continually connect with each other, communicate through issues and be in the moment with one another is the best thing that you can do with your partner.
What else can you do?
Bisbey proceeded to give some extra tips for long term couples to ensure a thriving sex life.
“So make sure that you’re doing the work on the relationship. Do your work on yourself. Set time aside for sex. Turn off your phone. Really commit to spending the time putting anticipation back in.”
“Do things to build up to look forward to when you’re going to be intimate with each other. All of that will raise the feelings and be an experiment with each other.”