My One Night Stand Climbed Out the Window

by | May 31, 2023 | Out of the Closet

Want to sneak out from someone you had sex with but don’t know how? Try to climb out the window.

We’ve all sneaked out from our one-night stand’s place at some point. That’s the whole purpose of the term. It’s only a one-night deal and then you’ll never see me again. Unless I forget my AirPods at your place, or if you did a very good job, which let’s be real, not often happens.

But how do you react when your one-time sneaky fling climbs out the window of your basement room because he’s too embarrassed to meet your housemates? Well, let me tell you.

I brought back this boy after a night out once. What can I say, I had a bit too much wine after me and my mates went to this cheese and wine tasting event. So, you can already imagine how my brain flew out the window and got replaced by my vagina as soon as I started sipping from that wine.

Read our article on Red Wine and Sex for more on that.

I met him at the wine tasting, which not gonna lie, I found very attractive. But then again, it could have just been my wine-drunk ass having her rose-tinted glasses on. For all I know, he was tall and kept eating cheese. My perfect match.

From one glass to another, we both decided to go back to mine and taste some more wine and cheese, or other things.

You know what they say, the night is young, so you better bet that I took every advantage of the night and being drunk on wine. Like I already said, my vagina was in control now. So whatever responsible thought I had, poof, it disappeared in a snap of fingers.

Then boom, our clothes vanished as well and it was time for some screen time, baby.

He stayed the night since it was raining outside and let’s be honest, who doesn’t love some cuddle time? And since I was never going to see him again (hopefully), I was gonna make the most of my time.

Next day comes by, so he has to leave. We both agreed that it was only a one-time thing, simply because even though there was attraction, there was no chemistry. At least not when we were sober.

As I was getting dressed I saw him approaching the window and started staring like he was doing maths equations.

I asked him if he was alright and he turned to me asking if I think he could fit through my window. Now, he was an over 6-foot tall guy, so there was no way he could have fit. And why would he have to? Last time I checked I had a door, the same one he walked in on a few hours ago.

So I planned on asking him, but by the time I found my words on how to ask him why in the world he would want to climb out of my fucking window, he was already halfway out.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ I asked him in shock.

But by the time he heard my question, the idiot was already outside my window tucking his shirt in. Baffled, is the least I could say how I felt in that moment.

He then turned to me and told me that “It’s not you, it’s me.” As if! Of course, it’s him, you don’t see me climbing out the window like I’m fucking Spiderman do you. He then left, leaving me even more confused, just for a few hours later to let me know that he had IBS and was too embarrassed to face my housemates just because he needed to take a shit. I guess going to a cheese-tasting event was not really ideal, was it, Michael?

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